#✦ let me be gone. ❙❚ answered.

[youngpettyqueen]

I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for

[yet-another-haven-of-dollya]

*Tap mic*

Yes, it is I - your poor little Dollya

As some of you may have known already because of my constant whining and bickering for the past few days, my original blog was flagged and I'm trying to appeal. Things seem to not be on my side, though, so I figured a new blog is a must.

I won't delete the og blog, there are too many things going on over there and I simply can not. All my contributions to the DoL fandom, my AU and asks and stuffs,... have all been hidden away from the tags.

Not gonna lie I was terribly discouraged and couldn't pick up a pen to draw or do anything for several days. Terrible, just simply terrible, to look at the ask box or that stupid default avatar icon... But, well, you know, it is what it is, no point just weeping around so might as well make a new place to post stuffs!

This is a sub-blog with the same email address as the flagged one, I think I would still use the same tags as the original flagged blog: Dollya art, Dollya ask,... and I won't repost my higher interaction posts here either, that's just bitter.

I will post more "community-friendly" kinds of stuff here, so spicier asks or requests oughta go to the original blog' ask box... I don't really know, I guess things will kinda fall into the right places after some time... What do you call it? Settle down?

Anyway, I'll try to be positive. After all, the Pandora box was opened, so if I don't hold onto the tiny hope left behind, I will have nothing.

Let's just hope for the best.

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

We moved on from Buck being the one to meet Kim at the station too fast. Way too fast.

Because hey, what would you do if the dead wife or a doppelgänger dead wife of your best friend-partner-almost love of your life showed up at your place of work with brownies? Would you ignore the date you scheduled in favor of driving over to your best friend’s place to knock urgently on his back door because you’re so afraid that something is happening to him. And you know that something is happening because the doppelgänger of his dead wife just showed up to the firehouse with brownies like it was just another Monday. You think you might have to push him to talk, but it feels more like your best friend was just waiting for someone to see him, and he is just as dumbfounded as you, and maybe even as scared for himself as you are for him. So you tell him that he needs to break it off with the doppelgänger of his dead wife, but you know that it’s more complicated than that, your best friend’s feelings, even though you trust him to do the right thing and end it with her. But you’re still not through the shock of seeing the doppelgänger of your best friend’s dead wife standing in the fire station, heart beating, lungs expanding, and so you think that maybe your best friend is still in shock too, and you don’t want to push too hard at his grief-wound. So you leave it for now, and you don’t come back to it until it blows up in your face, and your best friend’s face, and his son’s face too.

So yeah, I’d say that Buck probably has a lot of regrets too about the Kim situation. He’s a fixer, no matter how hard he tries, and they lost the kid both of them love more than anything over the situation. You can’t tell me that Buck hasn’t been screaming crying throwing up about it since May. Fuck that.

It doesn’t matter that we don’t get characters’ inner thoughts (usually) on this show. Buck met Kim, and he talked about it with Eddie twice. That’s crazy. That’s certifiably insane. It’s been six months. The midseason finale is tomorrow. There is no excuse for Eddie and Christopher still not speaking. This is no excuse for Buck and Eddie still never discussing Kim or at least Chris leaving. These characters are not meant to be this horrifically repressed. It is strange. It is out of character. Kim showed up for about four episodes and disappeared into the ether. I want to know what the hell is going on with this storyline.

[danwhobrowses]

I'm not sure how much good this vent will do, I'm not even sure I want to post this vent after my last one, but I'm writing it just so it's out of my head and into words because it seems once again fandom has chosen to send vitriol Ashton Greymoore's way.

What for? They talked to a 'specter' of the primordial titan within them, through their connection to the earth, the natural flow of creation and destruction. They ask what will happen to the world, it responds that it'll endure, they ask what of the people, it responds that the strong will survive and the weak will be remade into something stronger, to which Ashton replies they think they understand. To fandom this means that Ashton is becoming a fascist, that they have a 'Make Exandria Great Again' attitude for wanting the Primordials back, that they need to be beaten up or 'get what's coming to them' in order to change their mind, and I can only sit here and stew and wonder if this hate is really well-founded? Ashton is among my favourite characters in C3, I get frustrated by them at times too but if I think about it a big percentage of my frustrations is more towards people disliking them than me disliking things they do, or Matt setting up scenarios that doesn't do them any favours towards the fandom that hates them. Some of these are knee-jerk reactions of course, but for others it does feel like they have it out for Ashton, and I don't wanna engage with that, which makes it quite lonely when most of the fandom hones in on it.

For the most part I can understand how the whole 'the weak will be remade' bit can be taken badly; it's definitely iffy, but every other plan we have is also very iffy. The Release Predathos option literally involves unleashing an entity that wants to genocide the gods, the Maintain Status Quo option ('option' the status quo imo is impossible, in my mind the Gods can stay but the dynamic will still have to change) maintains a relationship where the gods pick and choose who they feel deserves help, using their power to covet more power, strongarm and demand loyalty, and overall choose fellow gods over mortals when the chips are down and not owning up to it. We should also remember that entities can speak in riddles, 'remade into something stronger' doesn't necessarily mean death; it could mean to adapt and grow, to become strong enough to bear and overcome it as many of the PCs of Critical Role have done with their hardships and trauma. It's worth reminding that the sad truth is that people will die whatever outcome happens - the aim is always to lessen the amount but if the Gods leave it's a power vacuum, if we linger too long it's a Calamity, and if the Gods stay it's a holy war on a more wild and less organized scale - and that Ashton isn't saying they approve of such death, merely that they think they understand. The commune doesn't tell Ashton which way to go; it only tells them that the world will endure, there will be change and it will change people, trees will still grow, the wind will still blow, the waves will still flow along the coasts of the sea, and people will survive. I know the interpretation can differ from people thanks to Matt's patented vague or riddle-mounted choices in phrase, but I also think if it was the Wildmother who told Orym or some other follower that 'nature is a cycle, everything must adapt to change or else it'll die - this world will change, but it will also survive' nobody would be calling Orym a fascist, people would accept it because the Wildmother's domain is nature, and nature is not always kind.

While we're mentioning Orym - and because this is gonna come off as critical I must preface that I like and enjoy All of the Hells, that's not changed - I also gotta call it out here because it does very much feel like the people who hate Ashton hate them for the reasons they love Orym. Both are stubborn, they're diligent in their personal code, they care deeply for their friends and would give their whole being just to keep them safe, they believe in the Hells' power and greatness more than each member does and more than they believe in their own, but Ashton gets the hate mainly because these fans agree more with Orym on the god stuff. What confuses me though is how these same haters can despise Ashton for being consistent but love Braius, the literal Devil Worshipper who secretly is on board with the Chase Away plan only so he can help the Devil rule the world, the compulsive liar. Where's Braius' scrutiny? A world under Asmodeus will be a far worse 'survival of the fittest' scenario, why does Braius get a pass in all this stuff huh? Because he's funny? Seems people ignore the whole morality talk when they're discussing Braius' dedication to Exandrian Satan.

I find it irksome too that even the group seem to criticize Ashton reaching out to Primordials too - as if that wasn't what we wanted them and Fearne to do anyway. They don't dislike the gods simply because they're a 'great entity', it's because they're a great entity that holds power and doesn't use it equally or fairly; they pick and choose who to help, a lot of the time in Ashton's experience for their own self-service, but they won't prioritize mortals over another god no matter who cruel or heinous the god is being, and the following of these gods are so intertwined with politics that most religious motivation also ends up being political. Ashton has no connection to the gods, they reached out and got nothing, an Angel looked at them and made them feel like nothing, but they do have a connection to the Primordials; from the Earth Golem to the Titan Empress they're literally a vessel of, they experienced something significant in their connection to the Earth, so I don't like how that they're almost mocked for having it. In addition, Ashton's behaviour during this commune differs because of that connection, but also because the titans are a natural flow; they don't demand or test or politic or prejudice, and despite being a Great Entity in its own right it never made sure Ashton felt small for their own satisfaction, they asked a question and got an answer, it's the same reason Ashton has disdain for most political leaders but likes and respects Keyleth, Allura, Kima, Pike, and (eventually) Percy despite also being people in power. To call on Orym and the Wildmother as an example again; Orym's an Air Ashari, the Ashari are guardians of the Elemental Planes - made from the Primordials - not tied to a god, but nobody criticizes his connection to the Wildmother despite both not being a follower and his culture being more tethered to Primordials and their descendants. I'm not saying it's all correct for Ashton to want things to go back to how Primordials ruled, but we must remind ourselves also that we only know a story written by victors when it comes to the Schism - a story which could very easily have been altered and edited to make it feel more justified for the Primes and mortals to actively genocide all the Primordials, the native species and creators of this world, and desecrate their remains to make weapons, soul anchors, and cities - the specter didn't say 'fuck em, all mortals should die' after all, if they believe mortals would survive then they must be at the least tolerant of mortal existence. Why is it okay for god followers to say they wanna keep the world with the gods they have a connection to (and I'm not saying they aren't) but Ashton is out of line for wanting to have a world which has something active that they also have a connection to? It seems rather unfair to allow one side to have and the other to have not, picking and choosing because our audience's bias has spent more time with the gods, Ashton wanting something they can connect to doesn't feel all wrong either, the Eidolons still exist with faint worship hiding away so they're not smited by the gods, why can't faith exist so they're not in hiding? I sincerely doubt the Punk Rock that is Ashton is asking for the Primordials to fill the Gods' roles the same way the Gods have been running things either, they want to break the throne remember? There needs to be a balance in ideals and practice of course, and in an ideal world there could even be a more fluid and all-inclusive Exandria where gods and Eidolons live harmoniously with mortals without hierarchy and class systems, I think Ashton could happily live with something like that, they did say the world needs 'a little chaos' to call back to Matt hinting that the current world doesn't have enough.

Which leads us to those wishing violence upon Ashton - and I really don't like that. People who say 'hitting them over the head is the only language they understand' seem to misinterpret Ashton as if everyone around them have been on their hands and knees begging Ashton to reconsider and them ignoring valid points and pulling a Leroy Jenkins. In reality, nobody is actually talking to Ashton about it, a lot of the frustration with Bells Hells right now is that they aren't talking to each other, even about the end goal! Ashton has valid reasons for their thinking, so being violent isn't gonna change their mind; undermining, dehumanizing and trying to effectively bully anyone let alone someone with chronic pain and low self worth will never truly convince them to your way of thinking. All people understand the language of violence, but that language is not used justly, those who truly wish violence upon Ashton don't want it in hopes it'll force Ashton to change their mind, they want it for their own satisfaction of seeing them in pain; so they can further push them away from the rest of the group and go 'that guy's not one of us', make it so the people Ashton calls family after a lifetime of loneliness, confusion and abandonment - the people they promised they won't abandon, and have kept true on that promise even at their lowest - make them feel small and worthless, and force them into box where they can't be themselves, and I hate that people would want to treat them that way. Ashton IS capable of listening; they've stepped back and trusted the other Hells to do their own thing even when it's ridiculous like staging a play where they pretend to be Ludinus to trick Unseelie emissaries into thinking that he attacked them, they listened to the gods even when they didn't have to like they promised they would and despite it being very personal they held themselves back for the benefit of the group, and if the group talked to them calmly where they were all allowed to healthily discuss the pros and cons, the ideals and compromises, and the risk and reward of all plans that have been proposed then they would listen, and they would try - you don't need to slice bread with a broadsword.

Will Ashton 'get what's coming to them'? Maybe, but what is that exactly? We only assume to know the full vision of what Ashton wants to act on. All of Bells Hells are gonna face the consequences of the choice they make on Ruidus - when they finally make one that is - in and out of the world they live in, so won't that apply to everyone? So what for Ashton? do people want Fractures 2.0? Does everything Ashton wants in life have to blow up violently in their face? Family, Closure, their best friend's safety, why does 'what's coming to them' have to be something aggressive and harmful? People change through positive reinforcement and good experiences too! Caduceus Clay would remind you that it's love that makes people. Don't mistake this rant as me wanting Ashton to be exactly as they are now, I too want to see growth from Ashton and we ARE seeing it happen; I see it in small instances where they think twice about rash actions and try not to fly off the handle, when they sit just to listen or understand or to defuse tension, and that when they're going somewhere or doing something they let the group know in advance, those who think Ashton hasn't changed since ep. 1 aren't paying close attention, but that doesn't mean that they don't still have more ground to cover. I believe that Ashton grows the most through kindness; when they're treated like a person and not a blunt instrument or a nuisance, and I hope what's 'coming' for Ashton isn't rejection, bitterness, and isolation, but acceptance, empathy, and for someone - if you know me you'd know who I'd want it to be - to convince them that they are worthy of living, that they're special not because of their powers or blood or because they have died and been put back together again (honestly, it does irk me a little that both Keyleth and Imogen chose that for titles and to brag to the Matron, I know it isn't intended this way but sometimes it feels like saying 'your best defining quality is that you've died a lot') but because while they have every reason to hate everything they still chose to be kind to those who deserve kindness, they have a good heart and they mean well. Are they perfect? No! They're in their 20s very few people irl have their lives together at even twice that age, but I want them to have good things in their life; things that help them feel happy and safe and like they can still feel comfortable in their own skin without having to appear more 'palatable' for people who've already decided that they don't like them. I want them to know that they've always deserved to live and they still deserve it now, I want that not just for Ashton but for all the Hells, and hopefully they'll all live to have it.

And most of all I want the people who hate them to be wrong about Ashton Greymoore, and I want Taliesin to prove them wrong.

[fisheito]

My favourite fantasy lately is Kuya kidnapping Eiden and bringing him to a house in the woods to punish him for endangering himself during some adventure. Kuya keeps Eiden in bondage and constantly on edge, teasing and denying him. And Eiden just takes it without asking to be let out, allowing Kuya to vent his fear and frustration, because he's nice like that.

But, at some point, even the strongest little soldiers break, and just when Eiden is about to shatter from all the stress and Kuya's oppressive anxiety, Quincy comes for the rescue. He's the only one who managed to find that little wooden shack in the middle of nowhere (you know, because Kuya's allowed him to), and he comes in and persuades Kuya to relent.

Kuya hasn't even given Eiden any dick in all the (three? four?) days they've been at it, so serious he was about the discipline aspect!

Eiden cries when Kuya finally fucks him, and Quincy makes him spill

this just reminds me of Billowing Wildfire Kuya R2 where eiden saID sO HImself

i would not be surprised if kuya went full speed into an evil edging hostage situation because he doesn't know how to process eiden's mortality

[sotc]

I FINALLY BEAT TRESPASSER AOUGHHHHH i am feeling so much. I LOVE YOU DORIAN. I LOVE YOU SOLAS. I LVOE YOU BLACKWALL. I LOVE YOU COLE. I LOVE YOU JULEIC. I LOVE YOU TRESPASSER MUSIC. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY INQUIZZY AGAINNNN

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

the fun thing about fucked up 4halo is that bbh has already tried the whole "sacrifice your mind and sanity and self to be with your fucked up mind controlled lover thing once with the egg and red skeppy already and it uh. well. so anyway, i think that 4ever laughing at bbh and asking "why do you seem so scared of me all the time?" and bbh replies very calmly "i'm not scared of you. i'm scared for you." bbh wanting to let his control slip and just be happy and knowing that kills people he loves

YES!!! YES YES YES. okay you touched on one of the reasons i'm Like This about 4halo in the first place- bad has never been worried about forever being corrupt; bad has been terrified of the federation corrupting forever. you can see it in the way bad tried, over and over and over and over again to talk to forever to build a system that bad thought would be, if not fool-proof, more difficult to corrupt. Bad didn't want a president. but then forever won, and bad settled for second best- building a system that would hurt them as little as possible. not because forever would hurt them, but because the federation WOULD use whoever became president to hurt them. that's why he wanted the council; that's why he wanted to disband the presidency. whoever sat in that chair would be the prime target for the federation's manipulations, and we've seen how that went down with cellbit. and like. bad wanted to trust forever. forever is one of the very few people i could see winning and bad not start an immediate revolution arc (even though he made noises about it). even after one of their biggest fights bad was like- i believe forever is a good person and he's trying to do the right thing. forever is the first person who bad saw as an equal when it came to protecting the eggs and thus was PIVOTAL to bad learning how to trust the other islanders when, for a while there, bad's whole thing was about how paranoid he was. bad trusted forever so, so much, he exhausted every. single. option. he had to defang the presidency (to some players' and chats' horror o7 but i respect the analogy grind). and. god. bad did everything he could to give himself a reason to not kill his friend. because he knew it wasn't forever's fault. as many noises as he's made about killing forever and being silly and salty- he knows forever was in the same boat as him. that's why he built the statue. that's why he was so upset about the gift baskets. they're the same. they're friends. he's always known that forever isn't his enemy. the federation are.

he still knows it. in a pained, soft voice, bad told pierre during the proposal, "there won't be a wedding. look at him. he's out of his mind."

bad was so scared of his friend being corrupted, and now his worst nightmare has come to pass

[gaycrittercentral]

Ay yo guess who’s been enjoying the spooky fish game 👀 if y’all haven’t seen Dredge I would absolutely recommend it it’s so cool!!! It’s like a Lovecraftian horror fishing game and I am obsessed with the aesthetics and gameplay loop and artwork. Just *chef’s kiss* BEAUTIFUL

So obviously I had to do a lil crossover with the blorbos bc \_:)_/ please excuse how messy and bad this is I actually only drew it as a cover for the ones below, which are based on the game’s ending 👀 I didn’t wanna spoil it lmao

Speaking of which, more drawings and spoilers for Dredge under the cut!

These are also bad bc I decided to try a new program on my phone to make them. Please forgive me hdkfhsjhdjd anyway this game makes me CRAZY it’s so fucking good. Please go play the spooky fish game

[pardonmydelays]

this weekend was so intense (in a good way) but now we're going back to regular posting and stalking your blogs besties

[kit-williams]

Hello, this might be a rather idiotic question given it's coming from another woman who has a had heterosexual sex. But I just read your mortarion piece (which btw, is lovely) and:

What's with the trope of a male and female character having sex and the female character coming multiple times before the male does and there still being some comment about the male not lasting long? Like he clearly lasted longer than you did??? Is it just porn logic fantasy of getting the pleasure of multiple orgasms before the act is over? is it some gender role component that my relationships were too unintentionally ignorant of to miss about it being less embarrassing for a woman to be quick-shot than a man (potentially because of the shorter refractory period?)? Like, using the shorter female refractory period for multiple orgasms being hot and the guy getting her to come from eating out or fingering first and there being some remark about him coming quickly once penetrative sex starts I understand. But in this case you've both been stimulated from the same starting point in time and it took less time for the reader to come but there's still a comment about the male not lasting long?

Great question, for the not lasting as long part that was more for Mortarion being a little internally self deprecating. So yeah! Men have what is called a refractory period meaning they cannot ejaculate for roughly 30 minutes. (Because I know this I don't often write men having multiple ejaculations) ((this is more for the people in the back))

So I base all the sex I write about off of my husband (Dadatar)((as he has been my only sexual partner actually)) and that being said I tend to have a number of orgasms before he does (and sometimes I have so many my arousal finishes and so we're left with having to finish in a different way)

But yeah no for that fic it's a combination of Mortarion feeling inadequate, as well as Primarch genetics (as I figure they probably have a short refractory period) and well possibly hearing it from his brothers how they deal with a partner (ya know gloating about sex)

I'm trying to remember what I was thinking for that as I don't usually use that trope often (as you might have read my other fics I usually have them stop because their partner can't take any more OR they keep going till they are done) it's not a trope I personally like myself as it is kind of stupid (I'm a sucker for the aligned orgasm trope) but I honestly think it's because Mortarion cannot allow himself to find himself satisfactory as followed up by the reader praising him for sex.

Uhh tldr the comment was most likely just a peak into Mortarion being a sad boy not really me saying anything about how long men last

[guardian-angle22]

welcome back! I need your thoughts on all the stuff that happened while you were “out of office”… Spinoff show! All the spoilers about carlos content and Tarlos spicy scenes (breaking a dresser! heehee) this year! are you excited?

Apologies for the late reply since you must've sent this to me back when I first got back from vaca. The show aired and I lost my mind and didn't notice this was sitting there.

Soo... Thoughts on the Spinoff show! I feel like there are two separate spinoff show discussions that have been had by various people and I'm not sure if they're being merged together into one now or not but my thoughts are very different for each.

Spinoff Option #1: 9-1-1 in a different city. This has been in discussion for years by various people. Lone Star was a success, so why not turn it into a franchise like CSI or NCIS with multiple cities? Angela Bassett made a comment about it during a recent Emmy presser saying something along the lines of “people need help in every city”… This is the spinoff that I could see happening regardless of how this season goes but with a brand new cast of characters. I probably would not watch this. I’m not a procedural girlie, this show was an absolute anomaly and I don't know how I got here but it's really just these LS characters I love.

Spinoff Option #2: the “Tarlos” spinoff. This is the one Rashad has spoken about pushing for and Ronen has been hyping up on social media and at cons saying it could possibly happen based on how viewership goes this season. I know some have talked about these as two separate shows but I don’t think that’s the case. I think Rashad talked about it in the context of Carlos’ character and the new ranger because that was the interview/article topic, but I genuinely don’t think there has ever been a discussion of having a Carlos only spinoff without TK. Given the popularity of the pair, from a marketing standpoint it would just be silly to even attempt to have one of the characters headline a show without the other also there. This one I feel like would have to be set in Texas and named something other than 9-1-1. I would absolutely watch... most of it LOL. I don't think I would watch any of the ranger content ngl. which I guess segues into my thoughts on the Carlos content spoilers...

Thoughts on the content spoilers!

The Carlos plots… I don’t really care about if I’m being honest cause I just don’t care about the rangers stuff and the s4 Gabriel murder plot actively makes me angry if I think about it for too long… BUT people are gonna like things I don’t and I’m gonna like things other people don’t. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as no one is a dick about it. and I certainly have no plans to yuck anyone else's yum. so my thoughts are: I hope other people enjoy!

The spoiler I AM insanely excited to see is the infamous furniture breaking sex scene. It just tickles me that they really went so hard they almost broke a toe and some furniture. That's the dedication we get from the Tarlos actors and I appreciate the hell out of it... Although it does not surprise me in the least given 1.02… I MEAN...

[elenadoeslife]

never thought this day would come. here we go! 🎧

[supercantaloupe]

what’s a fun fact about you that people may not guess

i am not anyone's idea of athletic. however since my social circle is like 90% other honors student orchestra losers, i technically qualify as a jock given that i have six years of experience playing field hockey

[fisheito]

did you hear about yakumo's new rooms yet? or seen it?

sir i just got here please have mercy

[aheathen-conceivably]

Hi! I just binged your 30’s posts and I’m obsessed!! I’m so invested in Josephine in particular, I hope she can find a path that’s more stable for her but still ambitious! I’m going back to the very beginning now, but just wanted to let you know that you’re an amazing writer!!! I hope you write a book one day :-)

Oh my goodness BLESS you! I literally read this and curled up exactly like this…

And boy oh boy, me and you both. Jo has really become my baby girl this last decade. It’s a tricky balance that she needs to find isn’t it? For her to crave that feeling of being free and alive but also needing love and safety. Sigh. It’s a journey for sure.

But I am SO excited for you to go back to the beginning! It is well and truly the greatest compliment to me. And trust me, even just in reading the 30s so far, you’ve already read a book! I have it all together in a doc and so far it’s already 87 pages (!!). I could never give up my pretty pictures in favor of only text though, so this will be my “novel” I’ll forever be proud of 🥰

[soaps-mohawk]

Anon- 🦈🖤

I literally just want to ask how your day is going, and I hope you are feeling well!

Please eat and stay hydrated!:)

I got this yesterday and forgot to answer it 😫

But my day today has been going well so far. It was only 7 am when I answered this but I slept decently last night for the first time in a while. I've got so much to do today though I'm being lazy and laying in bed still 😂